Polyphobia

I consider myself a relatively liberal, open-minded person. Pro-choice, pro-gays, yadda yadda...

So why can't I get down with polyamory? This question has been bugging me for a couple of weeks. I'm reading a great anthology called Looking Queer: Body Image and Identity in Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, and Transgender Communities (before I continue, I have to say that it really irks me that the words 'polyamorous' and 'transgender' are considered spelling errors. Get fucking with it, Spell Check). I was reading the "About The Editor" section before starting the book, and was immediately impressed by how well-educated, active, and passionate this woman was. Then I read the very last line: "She lives with her three partners and their young son." I have to confess I did a double take. I might even have said, "What?!" ... or maybe not. I don't remember. Whatever. My point is, I clearly need to step back and reflect on what it is about polyamorous relationships that makes me so uncomfortable. 

Let's talk about homophobia for a bit. I know that homosexuality and polyamory aren't the same thing, but some of the same concepts apply in terms of lack of acceptance. Most of us are taught from an early age that love/intimacy/marriage/etc. should be between a man and a woman, and for many of us, that's all we know growing up. If that's the case, meeting a gay person later on in life will likely seem foreign to us, and we'll be more likely to be uncomfortable with it or even condemn it. A huge part of homophobia comes from not being exposed to gay people and couples, and not being made aware that they're just regular people who happen to be attracted to the same sex. I've met many strongly homophobic people who are now protesting Prop 8. All it took was meeting one gay man, who welcomed them into his life and helped them unlearn their prejudices. This change of heart obviously didn't happen overnight but happen it did. They grew up not knowing gay people, and now they do; now they see that homosexuality is not such a big deal. 

But who do I know in a successful polyamorous relationship? Who do I know in any kind of polyamorous relationship? Well, Jodi from "The L Word" was polyamorous for a while... does she count? I don't think so. I never saw polyamory as a big deal with Jodi, because I was just positive from the start that Bette would win her over and help her embrace monogamy... which is exactly what happened. By the time they were really together in Season 4, Jodi was as monogamous as any of the other women. Also, Jodi isn't real.

Since I have not met any people who practice polyamory, I'll at least read about them in the meantime. I don't like this feeling of close-mindedness; I'm confident that I just need to see a little more... learn a little more...  and it'll change. 

I'll leave my two faithful readers with a semi-related music video by Peaches.